Spring #12 — Witch Of The Wind
I awoke to near-darkness, a gentle breeze playing over my face, seeming to whisper my name as I tried to gather the fragments of my sleep-disjointed mind. I was so cold that I was shivering, and when I reached for my covers, intending to wrap them tightly around myself like I did in the winter, I couldn’t find them. As my shaking hands searched for them, I discovered that I was still in my clothes from the day before, and I frowned, wondering why that was. I usually only did that when I’d gotten drunk and passed out at somebody else’s house, and I was pretty sure that I was at home, in my own bed. Plus, wasn’t tomorrow, or today, rather, a school day? Sometimes I wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer when it came to drinking, but I never got hammered on a school night, because the thought of trying to go through a day of school with a hangover was a pretty unpleasant one. Had I gotten drunk, come home, and then passed out on my bed?
But while I was extremely cold and my mind was blurry from sleep, I didn’t have any of the usual hangover aches and pains, which I always had after getting smashed enough to pass out. So I was pretty sure that I hadn’t gotten drunk, but that still didn’t explain why I was still in my clothes. And why the hell was it so damned cold? It felt like the middle of the winter, and even though the weather could still get chilly at night until almost June, it never got this cold, not by the first week of May. Even if I’d left my window all the way open when I’d gone to bed, it shouldn’t be this frigid in my room. Was I sick? My hands searched around for the covers again, and found them this time. Unfortunately, from the feel of it, I was laying on top of them. Dammit.
I was still asleep enough that I really didn’t want to move at all, but my teeth were starting to chatter, and if I got much colder, I wasn’t going to be able to fall totally back to sleep again. So with an annoyed grunt, I sat up in bed, forcing my bleary eyes open, wondering if I could somehow manage to get under the covers without having to get off of the bed or use too much energy. But all thoughts of going back to sleep vaporized when I saw the dark figure standing right in front of my window.
It was Mary Jane. That was my first surprise.
The second one came when I realized that she wasn’t standing. She was floating. Her bare feet were hanging almost a foot off the carpet. The steady, icy breeze was emanating from her, making her black hair slowly whirl and twist around her head like a dark halo.
I got my third surprise when I saw that the dim light in the room wasn’t coming from my window, which her softly billowing skirt was completely blocking out. The light was coming from her eyes, which were glowing so brightly that they were acting like lamps, casting a creepy blue glow over everything. Those eerie eyes were fixed directly on me, though when my eyes met hers, she gave no indication that she even noticed, and continued to impassively gaze at me.
Everything came rushing back, and I remembered Kristine’s death with a fresh stab of pain, as well as Mary Jane’s last call and how she’d made me fall asleep with just a few words. Along with the ache that suddenly sliced back into my heart, I also felt the razor’s edge of fear cut into me as I stared at her silent, hovering form. Though she looked like herself, she also didn’t. There was something different about her, something that I couldn’t put into words. She looked even more beautiful than ever before, but she also looked unearthly, as though she wasn’t human any longer, or at least not human as I understood it. Had she managed to perform the Ascension after all? She hadn’t answered me before when I’d asked her, so I didn’t know if she’d been able to do it or not. Whether it was the Ascension or not, something had happened to her. As I looked into her immobile, blue-lit features, I had the feeling that it wasn’t something good, either.
“M-Mary Jane?” I croaked.
“Yes, it’s me, Johnny,” she said, her voice whispering directly into my ear, even though she was still on the other side of the room and her lips didn’t move at all when she spoke. I would have felt a chill if I wasn’t already so damned cold.
“W-what’s g-going on? Are you o-okay?” I wrapped my arms around myself and pulled my knees up towards my chest, not only to try to stay warm, but because I was terrified.
She slowly shook her head once, her features not betraying even a trace of emotion. “No,” her voice murmured into my ear, “I have to leave now, Johnny. I can’t stay here any longer, I don’t have any choice. It’s beyond my control.”
I nodded stiffly, remembering what she’d said on the phone.
“But I can’t leave you,” she continued, her lips still not moving. “I need you, Johnny, and I can’t let you go. I won’t.”
I swallowed with difficulty, my throat tightening with uncertainty.
When I didn’t answer, she said, “Don’t be afraid, my love. We’ll be together forever, the way we we’re meant to be.” My room grew colder as the light wind coming from Mary Jane increased in strength, and when I looked towards my door, I saw that it was still closed. “I can’t be like I used to be, Johnny. I can’t ever be a normal girl again, I’m beyond that point and I’ll never be able to go back. But we can still be together … if you’re like me.”
“W-what?” Fear gripped my throat even more tightly and I was barely able to get the word out. I looked towards my door again, and I started to get up from my bed, my instincts telling me to get the hell away from Mary Jane as fast as I could.
But a powerful gust of wind pushed me back into place as the air rushing around my room began to swirl like a hurricane, pulling my posters from the wall and knocking the pictures from my dresser. The glass covering the photo of Lee, Tomomi, Mary Jane, and myself from the Homecoming dance shattered when the frame hit the floor, but the sound was nearly swallowed up by rising howl of the wind, which was getting louder by the second.
I felt a stab of fear for my parents, wondering if they’d hear the racket and come to check on me, only to become tangled up in this madness. But then I remembered the baffling spell Mary Jane had said prevented her father from hearing us down in the basement, and I was suddenly sure that I was all alone in this, no matter how loud it got.
“I’m even more powerful than I thought,” Mary Jane whispered, “I’m more powerful than my mother ever was. I can do so much now, and I can change you, make you like me, so that we never have to be apart.”
“B-but I thought you d-didn’t want me to g-get into magick,” I gasped, the air so cold that I could see frost forming on my walls. “That it was too d-dangerous.”
Her face remained an expressionless mask as her voice sounded in my ear. “My power’s taken everything from me, my life, my home, my father, and my dreams. But I won’t let it take you, too. The thing that’s trying to split us up will be the thing that brings us together, for all time.”
I screamed as I felt myself rise up from my bed, floating in the air like Mary Jane. I struggled against the invisible force lifting me, but it was like trying to fight the empty air, literally. I couldn’t do anything but helplessly stare at the woman I loved, the deathly coldness beginning to steal the breath from my lungs.
“D-don’t!” I panted, uselessly flailing my arms and legs. “Y-you c-can’t d-do t-this!”
“I have to,” she replied, her voice urgent. “I love you, Johnny. So much that it hurts. You’ve kept me sane through all of this, and if you’re by my side when I move on, there’s nothing I won’t be able to do. You’ll keep me together, and you’ll make sure that I don’t lose myself, that I don’t fail for the last time.”
I could barely breathe now, I was so frigid, and I could hear the air actually crackling with coldness. “S-stop! S-s-s-stop!” I cried, my body creaking with pain as the winds tightly grasped me and wrapped around my trembling flesh.
“It’ll be over soon, Johnny, and then we’ll be together forever,” Mary Jane whispered. “Don’t be afraid.”
When I opened my mouth to scream, it felt like my breath was sucked right out of me, it was so cold.
“As you are now, so once was I,” Mary Jane said, her windborne voice growing louder, even as her physical body remained a hovering statue. “As I am now, so you must be.”
I tried to fight against it, but the winds swirling over me were like invisible bonds, holding me tightly, and I could only make hoarse gasping sounds when I tried to cry out.
“As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so you must be. Prepare, my love, to follow me.” Mary Jane’s voice began to call out mysterious and arcane words, chanting them fervently, building a hysteric strength until she sounded like hellfire-and-brimstone preacher reaching the climax of a sermon.
I could do nothing but stare at her pleadingly through my fading vision, terrified to the core of my very soul. What was she going to do to me? How could she make me be like her? How much worse was the pain going to get? What if she made a mistake and killed me? Or worse, what if she made a mistake and turned me into some sort of monster? As much as I loved her, I didn’t want to be like her! I didn’t want to lose my family and friends and get sucked into some fucked-up world of magick that I didn’t know anything about! She’d always tried so hard to protect me from all of this, and now she was going to launch me into it headfirst, whether I wanted it or not!
“As you are now, so once was I! As I am now, so you must be!” Mary Jane roared into my ear, her voice booming like that of a god as I floated in the eye of an arctic hurricane, forces I didn’t understand working themselves on me with the intent of making me into something I wasn’t. “Prepare, my love, to follow me!”
The world began to go black around me, and Mary Jane’s frozen features blurred as my eyes lost their focus. I couldn’t even think, I was so cold and in so much pain.
And then it stopped.
Thankfully my bed was there to cushion my sudden fall, and I lay gasping on its cold, but wonderfully soft, surface for a time, sensation achingly returning to my body as my room rapidly began to warm back up. The gale-force winds had stopped altogether, leaving only silence in my room … and the sound of Mary Jane crying.
Despite how much I was hurting, despite how scared I was, and despite how much I just wanted to lay there until I’d recovered, that sound galvanized me, giving my aching body the strength it needed. I pushed myself up onto my hands and knees, wobbled for a few seconds, and then fell off my bed with a heavy thud, the impact jarring my bones and making my returning vision swim, but I didn’t let it stop me.
Growling against the pain, I pushed myself up again, teetering back until I got onto my knees, my still-cold joints screeching in protest, but I ignored them. When I tried to get to my feet, Mary Jane whispered, “I’m so sorry, baby.”
Her voice wasn’t in my ear any longer. It was coming from in front of me, and when I looked up and forced my eyes to focus, I saw her sadly gazing at me, still floating above the floor. There were tears in her glowing eyes, glittering like tiny jewels, and though she still looked unearthly, she no longer looked frightening. She was a dark angel, mysterious and majestic, powerful beyond measure, but her terrifying strength was governed by a compassionate, but melancholy, heart. I dropped back down, sitting on my feet as I knelt on the floor, stunned by her otherworldly beauty.
Our eyes met, and we stared into one another’s souls, her power bridging the gap between us and letting us see each other as we really were. In those moments, I fell in love with her all over again, truly realizing how wonderful she really was.
I felt her fear and uncertainty over the destiny her mother had threatened her with, and understood why she’d done the things she did. I felt the exhilaration of the power she had at her fingertips, sharing the terrible temptation to misuse it and knowing how difficult it was to cope with. I felt her terror at the constant threat of being overwhelmed by her growing power, and the deep sorrow at the things she said and did when her sheer magickal might stripped away her warmth and brightness.
I knew why she hadn’t apologized to me after the first appearance of Blue Eyes, back in Chicago: she was so ashamed by it and so scared by what it meant, that she’d been unable to even bring it up with me. She’d felt like she’d failed me after nearly getting me killed, and the pain those feelings brought had driven her to quit school and focus entirely on her magick, trying to get it under control so that she wouldn’t ever hurt me again. She hadn’t even cared about herself or the personal cost, she’d done it all for me and her father, wanting to reward our love and faith in her by conquering the demons that had haunted her for so long. She’d lied to us, kept secrets from us, and had hidden so many things from us not out of malicious deceit, but because she was trying to protect us, and because she couldn’t bear the thought of failing us.
Tears streaming down my cheeks, I forgave her for everything.
I felt the enormity of the power unleashed inside of her, realizing just how difficult it was to simply be Mary Jane and keep her wits about herself, much less keep up a façade of normalcy and deal with everyday things. I felt her jealousy of Kristine, who didn’t have such things weighing her down, and her irritation at how Kristine was basically playing with things that had become life-and-death matters for Mary Jane. But despite how much Kristine angered her, no matter how desperately she wished that she and Kristine could have traded places, Mary Jane held no hatred towards Kristine, and genuinely liked her, even seeing Kristine as something of a misguided but well-meaning younger sister.
I was stunned to learn that Mary Jane had contingency plans in place in case her power destroyed her in the end. In a secret spot down in her room, she had all of the things necessary to cast a love spell of her own over Kristine and myself, so that the two of us would be brought together as a result of Mary Jane’s death. She’d wanted Kristine to be with me if anything happened to her, because she knew that Kristine would have taken a bullet for me and would have never betrayed me for any reason, love spell or not. Kristine was Mary Jane’s backup plan for my happiness if anything happened to her, and I felt just how keenly Kristine’s death hurt Mary Jane, knowing that there was no way she had anything to do with Kristine’s death. It had been a tragic, stupid accident, nothing more, nothing less, but Mary Jane still blamed herself for it, and it hurt her twofold, not only because she’d lost a friend, but also because Kristine wouldn’t be there for me when she was gone.
Possessed by grief and fear after her Ascension had gone wrong, Mary Jane had first tried to part with me over the phone, unable to bear the thought of facing me for the last time. But as she’d sat and felt her body changing, coming into perfect tune with the elemental force of the wind itself, the thought of leaving the life she’d had in Norton, and me especially, had chewed at her, gnawing away at her heart. The power within her had acted on her thoughts and despair, bringing Mary Jane to me with the intent of taking me away with her, but in the last moments before the point of no return, she couldn’t do it.
Mary Jane’s destiny was hers and hers alone, her gift and her curse, and she couldn’t bring herself to foist that burden upon anybody else, no matter how badly she wanted someone to share in it, to be there to love and hold her in the uncertain times ahead. Though she was now something more than merely human, something beyond the mundane world, her heart hadn’t changed in the least. She was still the girl that had laughingly kissed me on the sidewalk on that long-ago Saturday, still the girl that had held my hair for me while I was puking up tequila in Duane’s backyard, and still the girl that wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. She’d been twisted and turned by fear, sorrow, guilt, anger, and a hundred other emotions, but she was still my Mary Jane.
And she had to leave me.
I gasped as I returned to myself, Mary Jane’s mind closed to me now, and she tearfully smiled at me. “Goodbye, baby,” she whispered, and then faded away before my very eyes, even as I reached out for her, my hands frantically grasping at cold, empty air as she disappeared.
Fiercely wiping the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand, I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and ran out my door. I wasn’t going to give up that easily. Because I’d seen into her mind, and I knew that it wasn’t over yet. There was still time, and in that time, maybe there was still a chance to fight this.
I ran out of my house, galloped down the walk, and leaped into my car. Bringing it to life, I screeched it out of the driveway and tore down the silent pre-dawn street like a maniac. After being in Mary Jane’s mind, I not only truly understood what it was she’d been through this past year, but I also knew where she was going.
* * *
My bare feet pounded across the dew-damp grass of Whitewood cemetery as dawn kissed the horizon, faint pinkish light spilling across the rolling hills of the place where Mary Jane and I had spent so much time together. Where yesterday had been overcast and gloomy, the sky overhead was now crystal-clear, and stars still twinkled in the east. The cemetery gates were still locked for the night, so I’d had to leave my car outside, going the rest of the way on foot. I slipped and slid as I ran, uncaring of the risk of falling and bashing my head open on a tombstone, and with each misstep, my determination to reach Mary Jane grew even stronger.
There still had to be a chance, and I was going to find it. I couldn’t let go of Mary Jane, and she didn’t want to let go of me, so between us there had to be a way to beat this. Love was more powerful than anything, wasn’t it? Maybe it could even beat elemental magick and keep the love of my life right where we both wanted her to be.
I heard the whirling wind as I drew close to my destination, and I poured on the speed, cutting up my feet when I darted across one of the paved paths that wound through the graveyard. I didn’t even notice.
I skidded around the trees, bringing the massive girth of Drake into my view, and I nearly fell as I brought myself to a stop, looking around for Mary Jane. Right in front of me was the casting board I’d seen in her bedroom yesterday, laying in the middle of a large patch of dead grass that was perfectly circular in shape. This was where she’d performed her Ascension, a place that was vibrant with fond memories, in the hopes that maybe that would be enough to see her through her desperate gambit. It hadn’t been enough, and the Ascension had gone wrong, though even Mary Jane hadn’t had any idea where. It hadn’t killed her, but it had done something to her nonetheless, and it was beyond her control.
I couldn’t see her at all, even though I could now feel the strong winds against me in addition to hearing their low howl, and I frantically cried out, “Mary Jane!”
“Johnny …”
My head jerked upwards at the sound of her voice, and I staggered backwards several steps before falling on my ass, gaping up in shock.
Mary Jane was floating a full 30 feet in the open air, her arms outstretched at her sides, as though she were crucified on an invisible cross. A few leaves, twigs, and other small fragments whirled around her like debris trapped in a tornado. She looked down at me sorrowfully, shaking her head slowly.
“You shouldn’t have come,” she said, her voice sounding directly in my ear again, though this time her lips moved with her words.
“You can’t go!” I screamed as I stumbled to my feet. “There’s got to be a way! You’ve got so much power now, and you can fight this, Mary Jane! You can do it! Please don’t leave me! You can win!”
“I can’t,” she said, her voice weak.
“You can!”
“No.”
“Yes!”
She closed her eyes and began to slowly rise higher, turning her face towards the still-velvet sky.
I shrieked, “I love you! Stay with me, please!”
Mary Jane’s entire body shook and convulsed for several seconds, and the cyclonic winds circling her blew outwards with a tremendous whoosh as she suddenly dropped at least ten feet. She clenched her fists and screamed at the sky, the wind blowing out from her so hard that it almost knocked me over as it roared through the trees and tore across the grass. It was like standing in a wind tunnel, but I held my ground and kept my eyes on Mary Jane, who was twisting and fighting with everything she had.
“I won’t go!” she screamed. “I won’t leave him!”
“You can do it!” I yelled, and I whooped in joy when she fell even further, bringing her closer to the ground. “You’re almost there, beautiful! You can beat this! I know you can! I love you!”
Mary Jane’s arms stretched out at her sides again, her hands seeming to grasp at the very air itself, and with a roar of fury, she arched her back and jerked her arms backwards, as though ripping something apart. There was a massive crack of thunder and brilliant bolts of lightning arced across the sky, though there wasn’t a cloud to be seen. The explosion of wind that blasted out from Mary Jane bowled me over, knocking me across the grass, but I got back up, my heart furiously pumping away as hope sang in my blood. She could do it, I knew she could!
“No more!” she howled. “No fucking more! I just want to live my life! I don’t want this, I don’t want any of this! Fuck my mother and fuck the Elements! I’m staying here!”
Mary Jane let fly with a jagged yell, sounding angrier than I’d ever heard her. There was another crack of thunder and electric lances split the sky once again, so loudly that it nearly deafened me.
“Come back to me!” I shouted, reaching towards Mary Jane, who was barely more than ten feet above the ground now. “I love you, Mary Jane! Please come back!”
The wind knocked me down again and pinned me to the ground with its overwhelming power, but I kept calling out to Mary Jane, unable to give up. I could hear the trees surrounding Drake creaking and groaning as they strained against the elemental might bearing down on them. Thunder began to constantly growl overhead and the sky went wild with electrical wildfire as Mary Jane warred with the very wind in the name of love.
Just when my senses began to reel from the assault, everything suddenly went dead silent, as though some cosmic being had flipped a switch. Mary Jane hung unsteadily in the air, looking down at me tiredly, the glow entirely gone from her eyes, which had turned back to their normal color once more. She’d done it! She’d won!
“Mary Jane?” I whispered after a few moments, almost afraid to break the silence.
She held her arms out towards me, closed her eyes, and said, “Catch me, Johnny!”
I scrambled to my feet, my arms automatically out, ready to break her fall, hold her close to me, and never, ever let go of her again. “I’ve got you, beautiful!”
Grinning impishly, eyes still closed, she dropped through the air towards me, and I started to laugh in joy as I reached out for her. If she could beat this, she could beat anything, I was sure of it, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her and kiss her and tell her how much I loved her.
But she stopped just inches above my head, and then began to slowly rise into the air again.
I squawked in surprise, and then moaned in despair, dropping to my knees as my legs gave out beneath me. When Mary Jane’s eyes opened, they were glowing with unearthly blue light once again, and the expression on her face was one of profound sadness.
“I can’t change what I am, baby, I know that now,” she murmured in resignation. “I thought I could, but now … now … I am what I am, for better or worse. As you are now, so once was I. As you are now, I … can never be.”
“Come back,” I cried, reaching out for her as I tried to stand on legs that refused to cooperate. “Please come back!”
“I can’t. I’m a child of the air, I’m a witch of the wind, and I’m not a part of your world any longer. I wish I could be, but my place is out there,” she said, gesturing up at the pinkish-purple sky.
“No,” I groaned tearfully. “Don’t leave me. Please. I need you!”
She smiled gently. “Time heals all wounds, baby, and someday, you’ll find someone else to love and cherish, without me screwing things up. You’ll do just fine without me.”
“I don’t want to be without you,” I rasped.
“I know. Believe me, I know, baby,” she said.
“Take me with you!” I screamed in desperation, not even thinking about what I was asking.
She shook her head. “No. You’ve got to live your life your own way and find your own destiny. You can do so many wonderful things and make so many people happy, just like you made me happy, and I won’t take that from you.”
The wind began to pick up again, rippling through her hair, and Mary Jane looked upwards for a few seconds, as if hearing something that I couldn’t. When she looked back down at me, she whispered, “I’ve got to go. I’ll never forget you, and I’ll always love you.”
“I love you, too,” I choked. “Forever. I’ll never, ever forget you. Not for anybody or anything.”
Mary Jane’s smile was so bright that it rivaled her eyes. “Thank you.”
She rose into the sky high above and began to slowly spin round and round, arms outstretched and face upwards as I mournfully watched. The wind gathered around her, whistling through the sky, spinning her faster and faster as it built in strength, until Mary Jane was nothing more than a blur against the brightening sky. Then everything stopped as the world seemed to hold its breath, and Mary Jane hung in the sky, completely still now, her eyes upwards. She looked down at me for the last time.
“Goodbye,” she whispered.
She turned her eyes upwards again, and seemed to dissolve into the very air itself, like a painting dissolving in water. A great gust of wind blew past me, and I felt soft lips against mine for just a moment, and then the world let go of the breath it had been holding.
The birds began to sing to the coming morning, and I could faintly hear the sounds of a few cars passing by outside as people headed for work. Life went on, the world continued, and I was alone.
I fell onto the grass, hurting so badly that I couldn’t even cry.
